Ages during term: 46-54
Arena experience: Grant defeated President Breyer of Venture Brothers fame in the first round, taking 75% of the vote for a resounding victory.
PROS: Grant is a highly-regarded soldier, who rose from the very bottom of the ranks to command the Union army during the Civil War, which, as American wars go, was kinda important. He balanced that out by being a highly-regarded and internationally renowned diplomat.
CONS: So while there were many avenues in which Grant was a great success, there were many, many more in which he was a complete and abject failure. There are a few reasons for this, but it mainly boils down to the fact that Grant was a) a drunk, and b) really bad at most things. Grant also had such a single-minded focus on his battles that most of his victories ended up in the "Pyrrhic" category.
16th President of the United States
Ages Served: 52-56
Arena Experience: Abraham Lincoln gave Zachary Taylor a walloping he won't soon forget, getting 84.6% of the vote. Taylor's no slouch. He was a pretty badass Mexican-American War general. On the other hand, he was killed by cherries.
PROS: Lincoln taught himself everything he knew, taking him a life as poor farmer to an oft-sought out lawyer to a brilliant orator and one of the best presidents in U.S. history. He was a tough president with a rebellion to quash, and quash it he did. Tyler Durden, the guy who likes fighting so much he started his very first Fight Club, wanted to fight Lincoln. Clearly, that's saying something.
CONS: He kind of loses a lot. He lost a U.S. Senate seat in 1854 and again in 1858. In 1856, he broke up the monotony of losing Senate elections by placing second in the race for the vice presidency. In 1860, he went for broke and ran for presidency. Yes, he won, but only because the vote was split with two Democratic nominees. Going into 1864, he was convinced he was going to lose his bid for re-election. On top of this, he is often believed to have suffered from depression and he wrote poetry about suicide. Let's hope he keeps those thoughts in control while in the Arena.
Doug: I'm just going to start things off by addressing the elephant in the drawing room; Grant is going up against his own former Commander-in-Chief. AWK-ward.
Tony: Actually, given that Lincoln and Grant were both Republicans, I'd say there are two elephants in the drawing room! Wakka wakka!
|Fifteen seconds later, Lincoln made a funny face and McClellan laughed.|
|They don't teach you that in school for some reason.|
No, Grant being on the fifty doesn't mean he's ten times better than Lincoln. It means he's more obscure. You probably have Lincoln in your wallet right now, maybe even multiple Lincolns. How many Grants do you have? When was the last time you had a Grant? Better yet, go to a 7-11 and try to spend that Grant. They don't accept anything larger than a $20-bill. They don't want Grant around. Lincoln's cool to have around because he preserves the union among the smaller bills in the cash register.
People don't want Grant around. Tyler Durden would be another example. He'd rather fight Lincoln because he's a skinny guy with quite the reach. Grant going to go back to his tomb.