What the Hell Is This?

Welcome to Hail to the Chief... to the DEATH, a blog pits our presidents — past, present, fact and fictional — in a tournament until one is left standing. Each week, we will ask you the reader to vote on who should move on to the next round.

Our Weekly Schedule
Monday, 9 a.m. — We post an introduction to the combatants of the week. Then we debate how we think such a fight would play out. At the bottom of the post, you will be able to vote on who you believe would win a fight. In addition to voting, we encourage our readers to leave a comment as well as they can be used as Comment of the Week or be helpful in a tiebreaker (More on those later).

Wednesday, noon We post the Wednesday feature, which is related to one or both of that week's fighters. This post has nothing to do with the actual fight, but we thought it would be fun to jazz up your Hump Day with some more of our nonsense.

Friday, 9 a.m. — The polls for that week close. Any comment added after this time cannot be considered for tie-breaking purposes or for Comment of the Week. They'd still be just as entertaining, so don't let that stop you from posting a comment after that time.

Friday, noon — That week's winner will be announced along with a recap of the fight and the Comment of the Week. The person who supplies the Comment of the Week wins nothing but a shout-out bragging rights for a week.

All times Mountain Time (Sorry Eastern and Pacific Time Zones, but the world does NOT revolve around you.)

Even presidential death matches come with rules. Here are ours:
  • One vote per reader, please.
  • These hypothetical fights take place while the presidents were in office, not while they were at their physical peak.
  • These fights will be of a "two man enter, one man leave" nature, only we will go a bit beyond the Thunderdome. There will be no weapons, nor will any participant be wearing any armor. It will be more like Fight Club, only people are allowed to talk about it.
  • For your convenience, an updated photo of the entire bracket can be viewed by clicking on the tab labeled "The Bracket!" Below that, you will also be able to click on each participant and learn who they are.
In Case of a Tie
If the polls close and both combatants have the same number of votes, we will count the number of comments showing support for each fighter. We will only count one vote per person, so don't get cute and bomb our comment section.

If there are an equal number of comments for each participant, then the two authors will decide the winner — Two Angry Men style. We imagine that would be a fierce debate peppered with brutal personal attacks, but one winner will emerge.

A Message So Important,
Its Font Deserves To Be Italicized and in Bold
We here at "Hail to the Chief... to the Death" intend that this blog be for entertainment and wise-ass only purposes. We do not condone, nor do we encourage, violence against any president, former or current, living or dead, real or fictional.

About the Authors
From left: Doug Calderon, Tony Forbes
April 2008
Doug was born and raised in Franklin Square, N.Y., a Long Island town where Jersey Shore's J-WOWW allegedly lived at some point. He received a history degree from the University of Delaware. He argues a history degree from Delaware is more valuable since Delaware is the First State, thus it has more history than any other state (Yes, he realizes this argument is b.s.) He recently moved to Fayetteville, Ark., and is currently finishing a short autobiographical blurb.

Tony is a native of Albuquerque who graduated with a fancy-pants BA in creative writing from Oberlin College. He enjoys baseball, pedantic arguments, and puns. He is also proud of the fact that he can tell a hawk from a handsaw regardless of the direction of any prevailing winds. He would tell you whom he picked to win this silly little tournament, but then he would have to kill you.

We will add to this section as soon as we get some frequently asked questions. Should you have a question you wish to be answered in a FAQ-ish manner, you can send it to chief2death@gmail.com.