Hail to the Chief... to the Death Champion

In December 2010, we discussed some debate taking place somewhere in the ever-reaching expanses of the Internet about which U.S. President would do best in a free-for-all brawl. Days later, we decided to take it upon ourselves to figure this out once and for all and open this question up to the people. Only instead of a free-for-all, they would be organized into a bracket. And since there had been 43 presidents (44, if you count Cleveland twice), which was too many for 32, but not enough for 64... so fictional presidents were added.

We decided to "inaugurate" the blog on January 20, 2011, with the first fight starting Jan. 24. With one fight a week for 64 weeks (because they'd be curious about who would get 3rd place), we would get their answer on the seemingly distant date of April 13, 2012.

Well, now it's April 13, 2012.

And we here at the HttCttD Offices can't help but be overcome with a general anticlimatic feeling.

Jackson vs. Obama

Andrew Jackson	21 (39.2%)
Barack Obama	37 (61.8%)

Despite the odd feeling that comes with something we devoted a lot of time to is finally being over, we have to admit that we're surprised by the outcome. Neither of us thought Obama had a chance to get past the Quarterfinals, but as we noted before, it probably would have been boring if things turned out exactly as we had planned.

So no, you can't win with us.

It wasn't even close, either. Obama grabbed onto that lead Monday morning and never let go. Jackson may have tightened the gap a bit at some point, but not enough for it to count for anything.

The commentariat was decidedly pro-Obama as well.

We really can't argue with that kind of logic. Jackson may have been just filled the brim with blind fury, but once that fire went out, there was the young Obama who works out every day, waiting to counter-attack.

And in the end, there will be people in third world nations wearing this shirt:

And Doug is unsure how long he'll have the Big Effin' White Board (BEWB) hanging on his wall:

The new apartment gets nowhere near the same amount of natural light as last year's.

Now that the BEWB is complete, what now for the boys of HttCttD?

Oooh. A Doug vs. Tony fight? Give the fight promoters a taste of their own medicine and whisk them away to the Arena to entertain the presidents and the masses alike. How would they like that?

Doug: I wouldn't like that at all. I'm not, what they call, a fighter. Against Tony? I don't know. I grew up with a brother who was seven years older, and one thing I learned is how to defend myself against someone bigger. Tony's not bigger than me, but I seem to remember him saying he has a black belt in something, though I can't remember what. Also that was a while ago, so it may have turned into a gray belt at this point (HEY-O!).

All that being said, a good general gambling tip is never to bet on me to win a physical fight.

Tony: Well, I think it's pretty obvious that Doug would start such a fight out with some form of nut shot. So, I would have to counter that, somehow. Other than that? Eh... well, Doug's got some lank going for him, so he might have an advantage on reach, but... oh, right. My black belt. In Tae Kwon-Do, thankyouverymuch. Yeah, I'm not afraid to say that I'm pretty sure I could take Doug in a fight.

The Chief: Since we're closing up shop, we thought we'd award the Comment of the Entire Blog Award. For this one, we have to go back a little over a year to the Clash of the Clevelands. In the Wednesday post that week, we compared the numbers 22 and 24. Apparently, the video for Jem's 24 led Tony J to some sort of Internet trap. While his mind seemed to have taken him to some weird places, he did emerge with the that week's winner AND the Comment of the Entire Blog.

How did a comment that didn't win Comment of the Week end up winning Comment of the Entire Blog? Well, that's like asking how the St. Louis Cardinals managed to win the World Series without winning their division: Shut up. That's how.

So now that we're done, what did the HttCttD. Do our main staffers have any final thoughts?


Doug: Well, that was fun, though frustrating at times. I'm glad we were able to "edutain," assuming we actually were able to educate and entertain people out there.

Given the outcome some of these weeks, I'd have to say that it's a bit ironic that a forum where people voted for presidents almost made me question the tenet of democracy that allows just anyone to vote.

I'm also especially glad that no still-living presidents died in the past 15 month. It would have been especially bad if they died during the week they were fighting. I could just imagine some 24-hour news channel (which one would depend on which party the president was) picking up the story and speculating that we had anything to do with it. Although that probably would have led to more hits, which wouldn't have been terrible.

Tony: Yeah, to be honest, I kept waiting for a call from the Secret Service, to the tune of "WTF is this, then?" Thankfully, we stayed under the radar enough that that didn't happen, even though we picked up some Obama campaign staffers as Twitter followers. Also, some of the people who RT'd us had followers all over Washington. So, we got a little bit lucky, is what I'm saying.

Also: for the record? The fact that Marshall lost in the first round is, and forever will be, bullshit. I mean, FDR beating anyone is bullshit, but... I digress.

It was a hell of a ride, and despite our readers occasionally having strange opinions, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Except for the Marshall thing.

The Chief: Thanks again for reading. Join us next week when Vice President John Nance Garner takes on Vice President Selena Meyer, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus in the upcoming HBO series Veep, as we explore which vice president would make the ultimate fighter.

No, we're kidding. That's not happening.

For those of you wondering what Doug and Tony will be up to, well, they're probably the first to tell you that they're not sure, yet. But no matter what happens, they will probably pimp it on the HttCttD twitter feed, not to mention their own twitter feeds, so check those out if you're desperate for more of their ridiculous.

Thanks for reading!

Roosevelt Earns His Medal

Our voters gave Theodore Roosevelt the bronze treatment.

Rising from his Semifinal defeat, he struck back to take third place.

Washington vs. Roosevelt

George Washington	13 (44.8%)
Theodore Roosevelt	16 (55.2%)

I guess this makes George Washington the only combatant to lose twice. Wow, voters. Why do you hate America? (NOTE: Don't feel bad, I could have said that about most of these guys in the bracket and you possibly would have felt a little guilty... unless you actually did hate America.)

Of course, it seemed that some voters automatically gave it to Roosevelt because they couldn't believe that he lost to Obama in the Semifinals.

A thanks to Brett who, in the same comment, poked a few holes in our reality AND answered his own question.

We suppose another question would be how we managed to off still-living presidents without anyone finding out. That being said, we're really glad that no one has misconstrued this blog as us wanting to off still-living presidents. We've made it abundantly clear, but people have a tendency to be idiotic.

Speaking of still-living president, our current president, Barack Obama, remains very much alive in the HttCttD universe and will be fighting the very much dead since 1845 (but still alive in the Arena) Andrew Jackson next week.

Jackson and Obama will fight in hopes of being crowned Hail to the Chief... to the DEATH Champion!

Obamacare Sends Roosevelt to the Death Panel

We have to admit that we thought Teddy Roosevelt was a shoe-in for the HttCttD Championship. Even as late as early this week.

But Barack Obama closed the gap midweek and pulled ahead in the final day of voting, earning him a spot for the final match.

Obama vs. Roosevelt

Barack Obama	38 (55.1%)
Theodore Roosevelt	31 (44.9%)

Obama is the second fighter to get double-digit votes against Roosevelt, which leads us to believe that Teddy's weakness could be politicians from Illinois.

As we stated, we thought Roosevelt was going to the end. In the past two weeks, we've revealed our personal picks for the entire tournament, and Roosevelt was the one thing we could agree on in the finals.

Are we surprised that he didn't make it after all? Of course.

Are we upset? Well, that sound you hear is Tony rocking back in forth in the corner, curled up in the fetal position as both of his finalists have gone down. But hey, if we had gone through all of this trouble of maintaining this blog for 62 weeks only to have things turn out exactly as we had planned, that would have been kind of boring. So it's kind of nice that we're getting a surprising finale.

That being said, we're still glad it's not Bartlet.

That's something we didn't even consider. Teddy may have been rugged, but he was a fancy pants born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Obama came from the South Side. He looks cool calm and collected, but maybe he's probably got some inner-agitation just waiting to get out. He could step into the Arena, see Roosevelt on the other end and bust out his best Tim Meadows from Mean Girls.

"Hell, no! I did not leave the South Side for this!"

The rest would be HttCttD history!

Obama will meet Andrew Jackson for the HttCttD Championship April 9. Join us next week when Roosevelt takes on George Washington for the battle for 3rd Place.

Two Generals Walk Into The Presidential Gladiatorial Arena...

George Washington may have won our independence from Britain, but Andrew Jackson won a spot in the HttCttD Championship.

As expected, it was the closest match either of them had been in, and it's not going to get any easier from here.

Jackson vs. Washington

Andrew Jackson	27 (54.0%)
George Washington	23 (46.0%)

Though the voting numbers were slightly in Jackson's favor, our commentariat was leaned towards Washington heading to the Championship.

Good point. Washington took 100% of the electoral vote. Twice! Even James Madison, who ran unopposed in 1820, couldn't even manage that.

Though Washington was defeated, he will return to the Arena April 2 and attempt to gain the 3rd Place spot.
Jackson will return April 9 for the HttCttD Championship.
Join us next week when Barack Obama and Theodore Roosevelt vie for the chance to go up against Jackson for our final fight.

What Else Do We Have To Say?

Once again, Theodore Roosevelt earned his place on another Rushmore. He's apparently very sculptable.

(NOTE: Yeah, we know this isn't a picture of Mt. Rushmore. This photo was taken sent to us by one of our loyal readers visiting Houston where they apparently have 20-foot tall presidential busts just lying around.)

Roosevelt vs. Kennedy

Theodore Roosevelt	39 (88.6%)
John F. Kennedy	5  (11.4%)

We can't help but notice that this week, we had less than 7% the number of votes than the last week. What did we do to offend those other 657 voters? I guess we'll just never know.

This was the biggest (non-Bartlet) win since George Washington's 95% victory over Martin Van Buren in the Round of 16. Washington and Roosevelt really know how to bring the pain into the Arena. Our commentariat seemed to think JFK didn't have a chance.

Hmm, maybe we should install security cameras for the parking lot. Not to keep things like that happening, but to ensure that a Teddy vs. Teddy fight would be recorded and kept for the ages.

Roosevelt moves on to the Rushmore Four and will fight Barack Obama in a Semifinal match March 26.
Join us next week, when Andrew Jackson and George Washington battle for a spot in the HttCttD Championship.

HOPE!

As always, when things heated up, Barack Obama remained cool.

And now he's making his way to the Rushmore Four after defeating Jed Bartlet in our toughest fight yet.

Obama vs. Bartlet

Barack Obama	701 (53.9%)
Josiah "Jed" Bartlet	600 (46.1%)

We'd have to say, there's a strange feeling in the HttCttD Offices this week. We can't help but think that there may have been some voting irregularities on both sides. However, since there's no way of proving anything, we'll have to accept the possibility that we had over 1,300 legitimate voters this week.

If that's the case, then we welcome our new voters, over 1,250 of you! There is nothing absolutely fishy about any of this.

We're curious if Snowball Simpson voted this week.

Bob Terwilliger voter, Snowball, hangs out in heaven, waiting for more crooked elections.

We appreciate the outpouring of support this week, all in the name of good fun. This has our most exciting race to date, and not just because we've had seven times the number of voters more than our previous record.

This week, we have to say goodbye to Bartlet, who has done wonders for attracting voters; even if they did only show up when he was fighting. In our 59 weeks of fights so far, we've had a total of 3,142 votes. In the four weeks Bartlet was up, we've had a total of 1,684 votes. Just as comparison, the four weeks Jack Ryan fought brought in 127 votes. Since those four Bartlet weeks account for more than half of our votes, we thought we'd have one of our co-bloggers offer some final words for Bartlet.

Doug: Bartlet was truly amazing to watch in The West Wing. He was tenacious, strong-willed and highly intelligent. If this had been a contest on who would win in a debate or a popularity contest, Tony and I probably wouldn't have gone through the trouble of creating a bracket of 64 presidents. We'd probably have just said, "No doubt, Bartlet's the best," and the discussion wouldn't have gone beyond that afternoon in Dec. 2010. 

But no, it was actually a question of who would win in a physical fight. We wanted people to consider physical strength, build, age, health and wits. While Bartlet has oodles of the latter, that's pretty much all he's got going for him. He wouldn't be the weakest fighter in the pool, but he's not exactly the complete package either. 

In the Round of 16, I knew Franklin Pierce didn't stand a chance. He was up against Bartlet, who had somehow beat Lyndon B. Johnson with 81% of the vote (which is just absurd, but whatever). I suspected that Bartlet supporters were sent to our blog to vote without even considering what was being asked, so I thought I'd goad Bartlet supporters into commenting and explain their reasoning. Maybe if they could answer for this, even in a fun way, I'd be better with this. Maybe I didn't know about one scene of one episode where Josh, C.J. and Toby were sitting around and agreeing with the idea that if Bartlet were to fight all of the U.S. Presidents, he'd win. If that were the case, then it was in The West Wing canon. I'd have to accept it. 

The answers I did get didn't really make me feel better.

Wait, so you voted for Bartlet because Pierce supported the Confederacy? Is the argument here that supporting the Confederacy automatically makes one a weaker fighter? That's, at best, specious reasoning. That's like saying that Federalists were better singers or that people who are pro-choice are automatically better at cribbage. 

So, either Bartlet supporters couldn't be bothered to read what our blog was about before voting, or they just didn't care and voted for Bartlet anyway. The irony in this astounded me, given that The West Wing was one of the most intelligent shows in television history. Maybe next, we should create a blog called "Who Sucks?" and laugh when Bartlet wins in a landslide against some universally despised president. 

Bartlet supporters could have been much smarter in finagling their guy to victory by planning ahead. By only showing up on Bartlet weeks, they were making their intentions and their blatant disregard for the question at hand obvious. 

For example: Bartlet got 81% against LBJ in the 2nd Round. That seems a bit unbelievable. LBJ was a big, angry guy. True he had health issues, but so did Bartlet. Bartlet's advantage could have been that he was clear-headed. I could have accepted it if he won with under 60% of the vote, but 81%? No, that raises some red flags.  

What would have been even better? Not just voting in Bartlet weeks, but also influencing who Bartlet met in later rounds. Bartlet getting 81% against LBJ is unbelievable. But what if LBJ narrowly lost in the 1st Round? Then we'd have a Bartlet going up against Chester A. Arthur in the 2nd Round. That sounds like a much more reasonable win for Bartlet. 

Either way, it looks like some of our other readers got sick of this and recruited some help to put an end to these shenanigans; possibly by employing some tomfloolery of their own. And to that, I say, "It's about freakin' time." 

Of course, I'm doubt that most of you are even reading this, so whatever.

The Chief: Thank you, Doug. I hope you're not the one who gives my eulogy.

The comments this week either support some part of Doug's tirade, or prove its veracity.

However, we're going to give this week's Eisenhower Memorial Comment of the Week to this person who captures the spirit (and the point) of HttCttD.

Obama goes on to the Rushmore Four where he waits to find out who he'll be fighting in his Semifinal match scheduled for March 26. Join us next week for our last Quarterfinal match, when Theodore Roosevelt fights John F. Kennedy.

He's Winning, He's Winning, He's Winning

George Washington knocked Jack Ryan down like a cherry tree.

Washington's trek to the Rushmore Four has been smooth sailing; way easier than crossing the Delaware.

Washington vs. Ryan

George Washington	19 (67.9%)
Jack Ryan	9  (32.1%)

However, hhis marks the first time that Washington received less than 90% of the vote. It could be a sign of things to come for Washington. It will be an uphill battle for him.

This week's numbers were eerily similar to last week's result, which had Jackson over Whitmore 20-9. However, unlike last week, all was quiet on the commentariat front this time around. That means we're forced to sift through our Tweets.

We share this because it leads to a discussion question: If Ryan loses points because he was once portrayed by Ben Affleck, would being portrayed by Chris Pine help or hurt him? We ask because this is supposedly happening.

Adding to the list of other characters like Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Jack Donaghy, would having Captain Kirk on his side in the Arena help Ryan?

Or, at least, it was announced over two years ago. After all of this time, there still seems to be no sign of this actually happening, so we guess it doesn't really matter.

Washington will meet Andrew Jackson in the first Rushmore Four match, March 19. The winner of that will obviously advance to the Championship. The loser will get another chance at a victory and try for 3rd place. Next week, Barack Obama will meet Josiah "Jed" Bartlet.

Arena Declared Independent From Whitmore

Andrew Jackson proved that he isn't just the king of vetoes.

He also commanded enough power to be crowned Jackson Bracket Champion.

Jackson vs. Whitmore

Andrew Jackson	20 (69.0%)
Thomas J. Whitmore	9  (31.0%)

Thomas Whitmore was able to handle a Civil War vet, one of our forefathers, and an alien, but Jackson proved to be too difficult of a job for him. Many seemed to believe that this week would be a cakewalk for Jackson after his close Round of 16 match against Dwight D. Eisenhower. Some even seemed to imply that Whitmore got this far with some luck of bracket placement and early upsets.

If only Lone Star and his Schwartz were around to give Whitmore a hand. That would have been an interesting fight.

Jackson moves on to the Rushmore Four and is scheduled to fight again March 19. Join us next week when George Washington takes on Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan.

Ask Not What the Arena Could Do for You

... ask what you could do in the Arena.

If you're JFK, the answer to that is to just keep winning.

Bush vs. Kennedy

George H.W. Bush	14 (46.7%)
John F. Kennedy	16 (53.3%)

It was neck-and-neck all week, with Bush leading for the majority of the time. But when the buzzer went off, it was JFK in front. It would have been to Bush's advantage to push it a bit further. A tie would have given him the automatic win, as the commentariat was 2-to-1 for Bush for a variety of reasons.

This isn't the first time Bugs Bunny was used as a model for a Bush in the Arena. However, both instances led to a Bush loss. And no, of course it's not too soon to start cracking jokes about JFK's interns.

JFK moves on to the quarterfinals, where he will face Theodore Roosevelt March 12.
And with that, we're done with the Round of 16. With the quarterfinals kicking off next week, only eight combatants remain. Shit is, indeed, about to get real (assuming it hasn't already, which some could argue it has). Next week, our first quarterfinal match will be Andrew Jackson against Thomas J. Whitmore of Independence Day.

In Which a Bull-Moose Defeats an Elephant

A hearty "Bully!" echoes the halls of the Presidential Gladiatorial Arena.

No shutout, no confetti.

Much like how he led his Rough Riders to victory at San Juan Hill (oh, and also Kettle Hill), Theodore Roosevelt charges through to the quarterfinals

Roosevelt vs. Lincoln

Theodore Roosevelt	27 (73.0%)
Abraham Lincoln	10 (27.0%)

Abraham Lincoln became the first fighter to get votes against Roosevelt, thus ending Teddy's perfect streak. And though the vote looked decidedly pro-Roosevelt, the commentariat was more evenly split.

This is something we hadn't considered. What if Roosevelt had a rough "get blinded in an eye while boxing" streak? It had happened once, it could have happened again. And with Lincoln's reach, he could have been the guy to do it. The voters didn't think so, though.

Roosevelt's quarterfinal match is scheduled for March 12. Join us next week for our final Round of 16 fight, George H.W. Bush vs. John F. Kennedy.

There's Nothing Left But To Get Drunk

Yep, another win for Jed Bartlet. We hope he's not getting too big for his britches and making cocky moves like lighting up a cigarette in the National Cathedral.

Oh... well, I'm sure he's got the votes to back that sort of thing up.

Pierce vs. Bartlet

Franklin Pierce	21 (11.3%)
Josiah "Jed" Bartlet	165 (88.7%)

Another Bartlet week and another explosion of votes the first few hours followed by the normal trickle of votes the rest of the week.

Almost 300 hits in just one hour and over 700 hits on Monday. To put that in perspective, we had over 3,000 hits for the entire month of January.

Our readers bring up one of the main schisms we've encountered thus far, namely, how upset should we be when our silly blog yields a silly result? I mean, let's face it: this blog is silly. It's a presidential death tournament where the vast majority of the contenders are either already dead, or completely fictional. That's patently ridiculous. Yet, we here at the HttCttD home office take it rather seriously, and normally everything's fine, but then a Bartlet week rolls around, and things go plaid.

It's not that we dislike Bartlet (quite the opposite). In fact, Bartlet could have possibly made it to the quarterfinals, even without his droves of supporters who come by only when Bartlet's around -- though some of us believe LBJ would have presented quite the challenge. It's the fact that votes spike on his weeks and the fact that he's gotten 80-90 percent each time. Seems fishy, guys.

Hey, maybe we're wrong. Maybe we've picked up some fans as a result of people checking us out this week. If so, great! Welcome!

But, sadly, we most likely won't see a majority of these voters (most of which aren't even reading this because there's no way to vote for Bartlet in a Friday post) until next time.

Bartlet will return March 5 when he meets Barack Obama in the quarterfinal match. Wait, Obama vs. Bartlet? Liberals, your reckoning has come! Er, ahem. Next week, Theodore Roosevelt takes on Abraham Lincoln.

Jack Bauer Drops the Ball

Even though he had a somewhat important speech to give this week, Barack Obama wasn't too distracted to handle the hazards of the Arena.

Obama made David Palmer's HttCttD dreams go up in smoke, much like one of those houses that burned down as a result of people trying to deep-fry their turkeys. (NOTE: We'll never understand why people feel it's necessary to take a camcorder to their televisions so that they could upload an insurance commercial and put it on YouTube, but I guess it came in handy for us in that previous sentence.)

Palmer vs. Obama

David Palmer	5  (23.8%)
Barack Obama	16 (76.2%)

It just occurred to us that the same insurance company that has President Palmer also has Liz Lemon's ex-boyfriend, Dennis Duffy, playing "Mayhem." The fact that these companies are able to throw so much away on advertising makes us believe that they could actually be spending that money on its customers instead. It's insurance. If people out there are switching companies because a CGI lizard told them to, then they deserve nothing. Stop throwing your money away.

Wait, who put that soap box there?

On Wednesday, we pointed out that both Palmer and Obama were/are the 44th President in their respective universes. We did forget to point out something else they have in common.

They're both quite handsome, aren't they? This was probably our handsomest matchup yet. Though, we imagine neither of them would look quite as good after a fight.

Obama is scheduled to appear for his quarterfinal match March 5. Join us next week when Franklin Pierce takes on Josiah "Jed" Bartlet of The West Wing.

Truman Defeats Ryan

FOR THE RECORD: A headline in Friday's post incorrectly identified Harry S Truman as the victor in this week's fight. The headline should have named Jack Ryan as the winner.

We regret the error. It must be something about Truman that inspires wildly inaccurate headlines. To our defense, there was a lot more at stake when the Chicago Tribune made a similar error on the cover of its November 3, 1948 issue.

Truman vs. Ryan

Harry S Truman	21 (46.7%)
Jack Ryan	24 (53.3%)

We knew going in that this was going to be a close one. Truman led for most of the week, but Ryan turned things around and surged ahead in the last day of voting. This was one of our closest matches so far made more interesting by the fact that it marked the first time since the 1st Round where both fighters got more than 20 votes.

Though Ryan barely got more votes, Truman clearly dominated with the commentariat.

We'd like to thank DEisenhower34 for yet another insightful account of the history the textbook people are afraid to tell us. We had no idea that this was the reason behind that policy, nor were we aware of the basis of Samuel Jackson's persona. So educational!

We'd also like to pause for a moment to point out that the HttCttD blog was inaugurated a year ago today. Fifty-two eliminations, 263 comments, and 1,409 votes later and the real excitement hasn't even begun yet. Thanks to everyone for adding to our fun.

Ryan will go on and face George Washington in the Washington Bracket Finals, scheduled for Feb. 27.
Join us next week when David Palmer from 24 takes on Barack Obama.

More Like Van Busted, Amirite?

Martin Van Buren fell victim to the checks and balances system.

He somehow scored an upset into the Round of 16, and as a result, had to go up against George Washington.

Washington vs. Van Buren

George Washington	20 (95.2%)
Martin Van Buren	1   (4.8%)

As the 1840 campaign song says "Van is a used-up man." Though say what you will about Little Van, even though he wasn't able to break 5%, he did outlive both Tippecanoe and Tyler too.

And certain props could be given to Mike Brady, Washington's 1st Round foe. That live-action proto-Flanders (sans muscles) was able to get a higher percentage of votes than any of Washington's foes. True, that was only 7.5%, but it's still somewhat impressive.

Though Washington does get the occasional dissenting voter -- 5 total so far -- the commentariat has been solid for him.

At the risk of overplaying Brad Neely's masterpiece... wait, there's no real way to end that sentence. We appreciate any excuse to watch this video again, and the comment doesn't downplay the real danger of his next foe. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming. We just hope that in the meantime, he doesn't see his future opponent's wife at a party and that that party doesn't have a jar of acid lying around.

Washington makes it to the next round, which is scheduled for Feb. 27, where he defends the bracket named after him. He face the winner of next week's fight, which will kick off next week as Harry S Truman faces Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan.