Let the 2nd Round begin!
7th President of the United States
Ages during term: 62-70
ARENA EXPERIENCE: Jackson whooped up on William Howard Taft in their first-round matchup, earning 86.8% of the vote, and barely broke a sweat doing it.
PROS: Jackson was extraordinarily tough, and extraordinarily lucky. He survived a tough childhood, numerous wars and battles, and when faced with a dual-pistoled assassin, he got out unscathed (because both guns jammed).
CONS: Jackson was of rather advanced age by the time he got to the Presidency. And his trusted cane (the one he used to beat the crap out of the assassin we mentioned above) is not allowed into the Arena. Could be a problem.
Served as President of the United States in the 1996 film Mars Attacks!
Portrayed by Jack Nicholson
Age Served: Nicholson was 59 when the film was released
ARENA EXPERIENCE: Dale defeated Warren G. Harding in the 1st Round with 57.1% of the vote. No word if Harding's wife helped Dale with a good old-fashioned poisoning.
PROS: Dale showed no fear and an unflappable spirit in the face of a large-scale alien invasion. He was ready to go hand-to-hand against an alien and acted cool under pressure.
CONS: Dale also shows a history of taking the worst advice available and being far too trusting his foes. It didn't help him in the movie and it certainly won't help him out here.
Doug: If we want to use a Mars Attacks! analogy, Andrew Jackson would kind of be like Jack Black's character. Only much, much older. Oh sure, Jack Black's character (Billy-Glen Norris) is a military man ready to kick ass, but he doesn't last very long. To his credit, he isn't killed immediately, but it's pretty early on. True, Dale died too, but that was after surviving another fight with an alien.
Jackson has a bit more experience under his belt, but his luck isn't going to last forever. Both guns jammed? C'mon, he's on borrowed time as is. Which is doubly true when you consider he's well into his 60s in the 1830s.
Tony: Wait, Jack Black was in that movie? Wasn't that from before he was famous?
Doug: Yes, he was. It was the same year he appeared in movies like The Cable Guy and Bio-Dome (with Kyle Gass). 1996: apparently a big year for Jack Black.
Tony: Nice work by the casting director! But, I digress.
Doug: And the point of my little Jackson=Jack Black analogy was to point out that it doesn't matter how much guts or bluster you have. That may work when you're storming New Orleans or committing horrible acts of genocide, but in a one-on-one battle, it doesn't really matter. All bark and no bite. Okay, Jackson doesn't have no bite. He's got a considerable amount of bite, but it's nothing Dale hasn't seen before.
Tony: I dunno, sounds like Dale is being a little cocky going into this match. He thinks he can handle Jackson; it's no big deal. He couldn't be more wrong! Jackson won the Battle of New Orleans. He stole Florida from the British. He survived starvation and sickness as a P.O.W. during the American revolution. Dale… punched out an alien? Yeah, okay. When the two of them face off in the Arena, Dale, is gonna get… *sunglasses* chipped.
Doug: Yeah, Jackson has been to hell and back. By the time he was in the White House, he was a tired and sick old man who was quickly falling apart. In fact, his Wikipedia article says "Jackson was one of the more sickly presidents..." The same article devotes one sentence to his retirement. I imagine that bit about his retirement is so short on information because his retirement was probably devoted to yelling at slaves and waiting for Death to find him.
|"What the hell took you so long?"|
The Chief: And that wraps up the first matchup of the 2nd Round. As always, polls close 9am Friday. Vote! Comment! Tell your friends! And have a Happy Labor Day.