Monday, March 5, 2012

Obama vs. Bartlet

As always:
We here at Hail to the Chief... to the Death intend that this blog be for entertainment
and wise-ass only purposes. We do not condone, nor do we encourage, violence
against any president: former or current, living or dead, real or fictional.

Barack Obama
44th President of the United States
Serving: 2009-Present
Age in office: 47-49

Arena Experience:
1st Round: 90.48% of 21 votes against Andrew Johnson.
2nd Round: 76.47% of 17 votes against Thomas "Tug" Benson.
3rd Round: 76.19% of 21 votes against David Palmer.

PROS: Obama is one of the youngest and most physically fit in the entire bracket. He entered the presidential race knowing how how big of a challenge that would have been AND if he did win, how much of challenge inheriting the presidency in 2009 would be. He did it anyway, and the U.S. didn't tip over into Great Depression II territory. Point being, he's always up for a challenge and he beats the odds.

CONS: He thinks too much and he doesn't really show anger. Really? That's all we've got? No, I guess these are valid. Some other combatants are just walking balls of rage and that's working quite well for them.

Josiah "Jed" Bartlet
Portrayed by Martin Sheen in The West Wing
Age: Sheen was 58 when the show premiered, and 66 when it, along with his fictional presidency ended.

Arena Experience:
1st round: 88.7% of 97 votes against John Tyler.
2nd Round: 81% of 100 votes against LBJ.
3rd Round: 88.6% of 186 votes against Franklin Pierce

PROS: Has incredibly impressive intellectual heft on his side, with deep knowledge of a broad range of subjects. Remains incredibly popular despite not having added much to the political discourse in the better part of a decade.

CONS: Diagnosed with M.S., which most voters apparently haven't heard of, despite apparently being slavish fans of The West Wing.

Pre-fight Analysis
Tony: I mean, I don't really know what to say, any more. Bartlet's been one of the most consistently dominating competitors in the Arena, outclassing his opponents, seemingly without breaking a sweat. Despite the fact that his body has all the dependability of an [insert ethnicity you wish to slur] car, Bartlet's been battering, bullying, and bashing bastpast all comers. And you know what? Good for him.

However, I think if one was to make a Venn diagram of Bartlet supporters overlapping with Obama supporters, the result would look like a singularly oblong purple circle. Will Bartlet's supporters stick with him, or will they defect to the (relatively) new kid in town? I honestly have no idea. This should be fun.

Doug: Yeah, if we came up for taglines for each of the fights, this week's would be "Obama vs. Bartlet: Suck it, liberals; you have to vote against one of them."

I'm pretty sure Bartlet supporters would vote for him even if he was up against a 20-foot tall Theodore Roosevelt.
Granted, the big stick wouldn't be allowed in the Arena, but he'd still be 20 feet tall.
And I guess that makes sense; Bartlet's smart and a great debater. He even cursed out God... in Latin! None of these have anything to do with athleticism or ability to fight, but that's all apparently beside the point in the Presidential Gladiatorial Arena.

The Chief: As always, voting closes Friday 9am Mountain Time. The winner moves on to the Rushmore Four.

Obama vs. Bartlet


  1. I think this really has more to do with The West Wings popularity. An older man with MS doesn't kick Obama's ass. Sorry but it ain't happenin'.

    1. You fail to point out that President Bartlet is a fictional president, with super powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

      Actually, no. He doesn't have super powers just because he's fictional. If that were the case, then there would only be fictional presidents remaining.

      All fictional presidents appear in the Arena as they appeared in their respective movies/shows. If Superman had been president, then one could argue that, yes, he would have super powers in the Arena.

      Bartlet, on the other hand, would be in the Arena what he was in 'The West Wing.' He would be a 5'7" tall MS sufferer.

    3. Remember that I can decide when I'm going to kick someone's ass.

    4. Can you? Remember that you have MS?

  2. I think the real issue is that people are following Bartlet on Twitter and see his "Vote for me!" requests. When they click the link they skip through and vote rather than reading anything about the competition.

    I had to re-read the paragraph at the top of the page explaining the competition before I realized that it was about physical ability rather than who I liked better. Had I not double-checked that, I would absolutely have voted for Bartlet.

  3. I think Bartlett is a scrapper and his patented Jacket Flip move would pown Obama who would be too fair to hit an older guy with MS.

    1. I think Obama, being an intelligent man with a good sense of humor, would understand the importance of this contest (unlike some Bartlet twitter followers) and would therefore give it his all, crushing Bartlet. Although, even on his worst day, I think he can take down a 60 year-old with MS without breaking a sweat. Obama for the win.

  4. I'm about as big a fan of the West Wing as anyone, but this thing shouldn't even be close. Obama all the way.

  5. I've been following along for a while and was part of the Bartlet horde for the last several rounds.

    Just voted Obama. If you provoked him enough, he'd whack Jed all over the mat.

  6. I've been voting in this competition for a long time and have never commented but I just can't stand by and let Bartlet's followers push him through another round. Throughout this competition I have tried to check politics at the door and vote entirely based on age, physical condition and fighting skills (you know, the qualities that would be helpful in a literal fight to the death). Anyone who votes objectively knows a younger and fitter Obama is going to beat an older, and cannot be emphasized enough, MS sufferer like Bartlet! Obama all the way!

  7. We're not talking about uncle fluffy here. President Bartlet has beat strong contenders in the political arena before... just look at John Hoynes, a young fit candidate.

    All things aside, even if his body is physically weaker, he could probably whip out the cane he walked with in the later seasons and put up a decent fight against Barack Obama.

    1. Sadly for Bartlet, no weapons are allowed in the Arena. Including canes, much to both Bartlet and Andy Jackson's dismay.