Tony's Picks

The day before Andrew Jackson and William H. Taft entered for the first fight in the Presidential Gladiatorial Arena, Tony and I decided to sit down and fill out our own brackets. We each filled in our own brackets, sealed them in an envelope and taped the envelope to the back of the Big Effin' White Board (or BEWB) which hung in my living room. It was decided that when we got to the Semifinals and compare results.

Fourteen months later, I've moved to Arkansas and I've taken the BEWB with me, but the Semifinals are here, so now it's time to take a look. We've decided the best way for us to do this is to have each of us look over the others' bracket and criticize them harshly. So I proudly bring you Tony's picks.

It's a lot to digest at once, so I'll break it down by bracket.

Roosevelt Bracket

Tony actually kind of killed it here. With the exception of the Gilliam-Madison 1st Round and the whole George W. Bush thing, he went perfect. And as much as I like to fault Tony for things, even (or especially) for things beyond his control, I can't really get on him for this. Because, seriously, there's no reason why Bush should have lost against a 68-year-old man on his deathbed.

Points for this bracket: 22

Tony's Response: Well, it wouldn't be the first time Dubya let me down. Hey-o!

Marshall Bracket

This quadrant fell most victim to, what I like to call, the Idiot Voter Factor. That's when people say that the guy in the wheelchair will beat the terrorist killer with the reasoning of "Yeah, but FDR killed Nazis." No, he actually didn't personally fight a single one, so I'll have to assume you're an idiot. While Tony was way off with James Marshall and Jed Bartlet, I can't really fault him for being wrong.

Tony did, however, rely on his heart a bit much with the Adams Family. He wanted that father-son fight and he let it cloud his judgment. Gerald Ford may have been a stumblebum, but not to the "lose to John Adams" caliber.

Points for this bracket: 9

Tony's Response: In my defense... um... yeah. I've got nothing on this.

Washington Bracket

Another admirable attempt. Except...

Nixon's Head going to the Round of 16? The dude was a head. True, he had a headless Spiro Agnew fighting for him, but that only raised more questions. I understand the entire premise of this blog is silly, but Nixon's Head going to the Round of 16? I feel like I'm that character Graham Chapman plays in Monty Python's Flying Circus.





Of course, it's kind of difficult for me to play the "don't be too silly" card when I post a video clip that ends with a Terry Gilliam animation.

Points for this bracket: 22

Tony's Response: Clearly I over-estimated the effect of the Futurama voting block. Sigh.

Jackson Bracket

Ooh. Okay. Let me bite my tongue for a bit while I talk about what's good about this.

He went 8 for 8 in the 1st Round. And the bottom half of this bracket is immaculate.

But then we get to the idea of Bill Clinton defeating Andrew Jackson and getting to the Rushmore Four. My reaction to this could be summed up with something that happened on Community last week. If only there were some sort of medium where we could get a clip of Community that lasts about a second or so. It wouldn't even need to have sound.

Oh wait, I just remembered that we have the Internet. Okay, so where was I? Oh right...

Clinton beats Jackson and goes the Rushmore Four?

If it's not moving, click the damn thing.

Yeah, that'll do.

Points for this bracket: 17

Tony's Response: First of all, there's no way Clinton doesn't fight like a dirty sonofabitch. So, the fight with Jackson should have been much much closer. Second of all, I think we're ignoring the greater truth of my bracket, and that truth is that it kicked ass. So to you, I can only say...

RUSHMORE FOUR

Tony's going into the Rushmore four with a total of 70 points. And fortunately for him, he quickly distanced himself from his prior mistakes (Clinton and the more understandable LBJ) by picking Washington and Roosevelt to go on to the Championship. Luckily for him, those are the two of his Rushmore Four picks that are still in it.

It's possible he could sweep this from now on. Or he could be shut out. We'll find out soon enough.

In the meantime, get your votes in. The winner of this week's Jackson vs. Washington fight goes on to the Championship.