Wednesday, February 15, 2012


Even though the JFK assassination was almost 50 years ago, it's still unclear how it all went down. The Onion did a great story on it in its Our Dumb Century book.
At first, it was decided that a lone gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald, shot Kennedy. However, there were some inconsistencies with that story, and it seemed to be a conspiracy. When several groups launched their own investigation, but that only uncovered more inconsistencies.

In the '70s, the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations came to an inconclusive conclusion. They pretty much said "Yep, it was a probably was a conspiracy. But we don't know who was involved. We don't think the Soviets or the CIA were involved. Okay, we're getting lunch, now. Great job, guys!"

Let's take a step back for a second. Yes, there were so many assassinations that the U.S. House of Representatives launched a committee to investigate them. But conspiracy theories don't die just because a House Committee kills it.

Did the CIA kill Kennedy? George H.W. Bush was at one point the Director of the CIA, did he kill Kennedy?

According to the Internet, YES!

Of course, everyone on the Internet is full of accurate information.
When you first read this, it sounds like someone who has no idea what they're talking about. Bush was director over a decade after the JFK assassination, which took place in Dallas, not Houston.

But then after you give it a little more thought, you realize that it's a riddle. Guess who was director of the CIA when JFK was assassinated in Houston.

Answer: No one.

Guess how Gary Trudeau portrayed George H.W. Bush in the comic Doonesbury.

As invisible!

So JFK's shooter was "invisible," which could be a cryptic way of saying it was "no one." The same "no one" as whomever was the Director of the CIA when JFK was assassinated in Houston.

What's that Internet? You have more?
It looks like a shadowy figure standing outside of the Texas Book Depository. He's circled and labeled "GHWB?"

So that solves it. George H.W. Bush may or may not have been involved with the JFK assassination.

You guys should be lucky that Zachary Taylor and James Buchanan didn't meet each other in the Arena, because us answering the "Did Buchanan kill Taylor?" is even crazier! (The Internet gives no clues, so we'd be forced to make shit up.)

Regardless of what really happened in Dallas that day, the fight in the Arena between Bush and Kennedy rages on.

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