Friday, March 18, 2011

We Hold This Beatdown To Be Self-Evident

Thomas Jefferson was endowed by his Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty...

... and the pursuit of the 2nd Round.

Jefferson vs. Allen
Thomas Jefferson 11 (61.1%)
Mackenzie Allen7 (38.9%)

Not bad for a guy with no fighting experience. It didn't really seem to hurt Jefferson that he was essentially a cool-tempered bookworm who excelled at verbal debates and written arguments. It's not clear how this would help in the case of a physical fight...

Yes, Jefferson would be cooler to hang out with — though, he was a slave owner and a bit of a hypocrite. But it's unclear how he could take an athlete — remember, Allen is a rower, which means she has craploads of stamina — over a decade younger than him.

The best explanation we could find in the comment section was if Benjamin Franklin trained Jefferson like how Mickey Goldmill trained Rocky Balboa.

"Get up, you son of a bitch, 'cause Benny loves ya!"

Of course, this scenario ignores the fact that Franklin was known less for any fighting abilities and more for his snarky quips and science experiments.

Regardless of any of this, Jefferson is a-movin' on up to the 2nd Round and is scheduled to face Thomas J. Whitmore Sept. 26. Next week, we start up Washington Bracket action as George Washington takes on Mike Brady of The Brady Bunch franchise.

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