Friday, February 18, 2011

I Did Not Have a Physical Fight With That President

Bill Clinton feels Carter's pain.

And with good reason; Clinton really doled it out. (See what I just did there?)

Clinton vs. Carter

Bill Clinton24 (80%)
Jimmy Carter 6 (20%)

Unlike the 1992 and '96 Presidential Elections, Clinton was able to get more than 50% of the vote. I guess it's a good thing that Ross Perot wasn't involved to muck things up.

This fight was marked with both an appreciated upswing in voters (welcome, new readers) and an interesting comment war.

This back-and-forth had everything: threats to alter Wikipedia articles to include lies, combatants faking anaphylactic shock, the infamous blue dress, cross-dressing, and icing people like characters from The Sims. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to call rules violations on these comments for a number of reasons. For example, the Presidential Gladiatorial Arena™ doesn't allow participants to bring anything into the ring. This includes saxophones, epinephrine pens and materials for building a house. The dress, however, would be allowed, provided one of the combatants is wearing it.

Also, starting a fire in the middle of the ring — again, bringing materials to start a fire is verboten — would earn us a visit from the Fire Marshal, who will shut us down before we're one-eighth done with the 1st Round, which we don't want.

Besides, if you really want to off one of your Sims, everyone knows the best way of doing so is to get them into a swimming pool and take away the ladder so that they drown. I'd include a video, but it's pretty upsetting to watch Sims die, unless it's of old age and they've had a good life.

That's the way to go. The Grim Reaper shows up with some suitcases and some hula girls and you willingly head off into the unknown. Not burning alive in a Habitat for Humanity house while spectators cheer.

Bill Clinton moves on to the 2nd Round and is scheduled to face Dwight D. Eisenhower Sept. 12.
Stay tuned next week when James Monroe takes on the Unnamed President from Love Actually played by Billy Bob Thornton.

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