Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Surely, You Can't Be Serious

We're not trying to pimp out Rotten Tomatoes or anything, but it's a pretty handy site. For example, if there's a movie out there that we're a little iffy about, it's a good place to check out a general consensus of reviews. Again, we're not pimping out the site; if we were, we would have linked to it.

We didn't feel the need to check out what the general public thought of Scary Movie 3 and Scary Movie 4. They looked awful, we hadn't heard a single decent thing about either movie... plus, we kind of had to watch the movies for the blog.

Rotten Tomatoes still came in handy though, for my own amusement. Whenever I watch a terrible movie, I like to read the reviews on the site. Partly, because I like reading bad movies get ripped to shreds, but mostly because I'm fascinated by people who defend these movies. The reviews for these two movies didn't disappoint.
First thing I found interesting is that though only 36% of RT approved critics gave the movie a positive score, almost twice as many RT users gave it a 3.5 (out of 5) or more. That kind of says a lot about the RT users. This is why I ignored user comments and took comments left by "approved critics."
Let me start off with this one. I guess I can't say too much about it, except for the fact that this person says that Scary Movie 3 is a "hilariously inspired comedy."

I generally reserve reviews that positive to movies that contain no more than zero nutshots. Let me stress "generally." I'm sure there are plenty of tastefully done nutshots done out there. I can't say I've seen every movie on this list, but of the ones I did see, I can say that there is plenty of hilariously inspired comedy to be found on that list, but very few nutshots.

Please let me know if I'm forgetting any.

I'm a bit confused by this. Does he mean it's refreshing to see Leslie Nielsen back working with David Zucker, because it's only then that Nielsen is in a wacky comedy spoof that is actually funny, or that Scary Movie 3 is the first wacky comedy spook that Nielsen has appeared that is actually funny.

Benefit of the doubt, I'll say it's the first one and that I agree with this statement.
Except for that part where it's claimed that Scary Movie 3 is "actually funny."

This implies that people thing that Mother Teresa commemorative bobbleheads are funny. I'm not saying they can't be funny. I'm saying they, on their own, are not funny. I suppose they could be made to be funny.

I guess I'm just confused by the statement because I never thought that society could be split up in that way: people who think Mother Teresa commemorative bobbleheads are funny and people who don't.

If you've spent even a fraction of your time dissecting this one-sentence review, then Scary Movie 3 is definitely not for you.

Interesting. Critics liked Scary Movie 4 slightly more than they liked its predecessor. However, the audience, I guess, started to have it with the Scary Movie franchise and looked at it slightly less favorably.

Again, maybe this is just a difference of opinion, but I kind of have to disagree.

It was a very slow 83 minutes. And when it was over, I scoffed at the idea of watching the deleted scenes.

I loved this one-sentence review. It implies that:
  1. Scary Movie 3 — and not Scary Movie 2 or the first Scary Movie — came close to absolutely killing the Scary Movie franchise, and
  2. Scary Movie 4 — which, in my opinion, is pretty indistinguishable from Scary Movie 3 — undid all of that damage caused by its predecessor, making the franchise workable once again.

This is another critic who seems to give Scary Movie 3 no love, yet thinks the nearly identical Scary Movie 4 — the Scary Movie film that had Carmen Electra's blind character mistake a town hall meeting for a bathroom... toilet noises ensues — as the movie that is way superior.

While this person claims that Scary Movie 4 is five times as funny as Scary Movie 3, it should be noted that 0.08 is five times more than 0.016, but neither number are very high. So saying that one movie is five times as funny as another doesn't really mean much if the original is barely funny at all.

I'd like to also point out that five times zero happens to be zero, so that means even less.

Clearly, it doesn't matter what I think, because they're apparently going to keep making these movies.
And apparently 86% of RT users can't wait.

Unfortunately, readers, you'll have to wait another nine months for this film to come out. A good way to pass the time would be to vote in this week's fight between Theodore Roosevelt and Baxter Harris.

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